oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
