he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
