we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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