She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
