then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's rum buckets o'clock
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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