Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dick very happy bro
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
