I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
