Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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