i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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