I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
