I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
