sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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