I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
