I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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