We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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