I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize