I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
