it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize