I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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