you guys were way drunker than both of me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
