What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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