Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So vagazzling was a success
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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