the condom got lost in my hair
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
