Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
