Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
