I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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