I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
