if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
