No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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