yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
