i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
farters have to be the big spoon...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
