dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
