Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
