the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
