I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
