Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
