Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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