im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
