piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
