I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
