White coat. Heels.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
