I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
