Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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