i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
