No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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