I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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