Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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