If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
