While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
