Plan B is the new Plan A
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize