I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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