Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
