Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
