I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize