best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
