Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
