KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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