**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How does one acquire holy water?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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