god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
