My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
