My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she smelled like a LAN party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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