Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
