I have demons in me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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