Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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