Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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