I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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