I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
