that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I stole a fireplace last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
