No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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