At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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