Will you blow on my dice?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
