you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize