Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
