He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize