Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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