you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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