apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
