And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
