listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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