It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
