Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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