I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Less talking, more tequila
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
