He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
