break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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